These Funny Life Quotes Will Improve Your Day
by admin on 06/02/10 at 9:35 pm
Having a stressful day? Want to laugh and be inspired at the same time? Then enjoy reading these funny quotes about life. We hope these wise quotes and funny life quotes will make your day brighter and happier!
Short Funny Life Quotes
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” Mark Twain
“Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.” Abba Eban
“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Anonymous
“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.” Sam Levenso
“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” Jeff Foxworthy
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” Albert Einstein
“I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.” Jules Feiffer
“You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.” Yogi Berra
Funny Quotes of Life
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
“Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.” Golda Meir
Funny Quotes About Living Life
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” Albert Einstein
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” Josh Billings
“It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” Richard Bach
“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” Paul Getty
Famous Funny Life Quotes
“Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” Chevy Chase
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” Les Dawson
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” Aristotle Onassis
“USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.” David Letterman
Funny Quotes about Life in General
“Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it” Anonymous
“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement” Anonymous
“An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!” Anonymous
