Based on the 2000 Census, only 52% of households are maintained by married couples. Divorce is an all-too-common option chosen by American couples having marital problems, and this fact is not lost on the American public. Correspondingly, many people today are making a similarly unfortunate decision of just living together and not getting married.
Couples Counseling As Part of Your Marriage
Counseling couples techniques used by therapists are based on the premise that individuals and their problems are best handled within the context of the couple’s relationship – a couple attends the counseling sessions to discuss the couple’s specific relationship issues and have specific weekly assignments to complete prior to the next session to see if the relationship improves. Couple’s therapy is a useful modality of help for couples who are having trouble, such as an awareness of emptiness in the relationship, pervasive feelings of anger, resentment and lack of interest in attention or affection for each other.
According to the Census in 2000, there were 21,000 marriage and family therapists helping couple’s work through counseling for couples and deal with their relationship issues. Research suggests that at the end of a couple’s therapy, 75% of couples are better off than couples who did not receive therapy, 65% of those under counseling state their their their relationship had greatly improved, and that therapies that produce the greatest gain are able to maintain that gain over a long period of time as they improve the emotional maturity of those in couple counseling.
With the aid of a qualified therapist using accepted and evidence-based counseling techniques, couples can bring peace, stability and communication back into their relationship for a better marriage life, thus affecting the lives of the people around them too. With the vast divorce problems, even in Christian communities, Christian couples counseling is being practiced since saving a marriage is the Christian way.
Finding the Right Therapist to Conduct Couples Counseling
All counselors have their own styles, techniques and ways of conducting counseling and therapy for couples. They will guide you and your partner to work through the steps of counseling such as exploring your story as a couple, understanding your story and rewriting your story. However, counselors always advise that there are 3 possible outcomes of couple counseling: you decide that change is not possible, but choose that the two of you have so many reasons to stay together (i.e., kids and grandchildren) that you will remain together; you and your partner won’t change and decide to split up; or you decide to alter the relationship and work together to stay together with a much more exhilarating and loving marriage.
You may choose to see a counselor face-to-face or speak via telephone or email. There are even counselors who offer creative ways and therapeutic exercises in addition to talking. Most importantly, find a therapist that you are most comfortable to talk with.
Three Specific Couples Counseling Techniques
Here are some of the most popular techniques for couples couseling:
- Special Dates – When life becomes routine and common, you need to break up the time together into more non-routine and exciting moments. One way to do this is to have a weekly date night or special day to do something with your partner.
- Reframing – Take a different perspective and those issues you see as negative and “reframe” them to be a positive (just like putting a beautiful picture frame on a less-than-stunning picture). If one of the parterns is overly jealous, this can be reframed as the partner loving and needing you dearly.
- Empty Chair – One way couples can explore their emotions more fully is by using the empty chair technique. While one partner is out of the room, the other partner moves an empty chair close by and talks to the empty chair as if it were the absent partner. When asking the chair a question, the partner then moves over and occupies the chair to give the expected absent partner response. Back and forth the person goes both asking and answering the questions to help fully explore the emotions of that person.